Death by suicide is painful. Grieving becomes complex due to external factors (stigma, blame, and family dynamics) and the layers of loss are many. First of all, I want to say you are not to blame.

In Emily Dickinson poem “Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me,” the author is thinking about death; and even says that death drove her. I have heard many stories from suicide victims’ families that their loved one was content, and they could not understand how they killed themselves. If we go further in this poem, “Death” is personified as a gentleman that stopped for her. Make no mistake “Death” is no gentlemen.   The Bible says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10   Suicide is primarily due to a mental illness. Mental illness and death are not from God.

I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder shortly after my husband died. The PTSD episodes put me in a state of often thinking about death. The battle raged within, and I often ended up in the trenches trying to find my way out. On one such occasion, I tried to take my life. I don’t recall how I got to that point. In today’s society, people don’t want to talk about suicide or mental illnesses.   However, if people don’t talk and treat mental disorders, suicide becomes the by-product. The silent explosion goes off, and the pieces are the family members.

Talk about your loss. Don’t worry about what people think.   For you to heal, you need to share who and what you have lost.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV