When you have shut your feelings off for over forty years it is tough to feel and walk out the healing the Lord has for you.

I read Psalm 19:12 today, “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults.” I asked God to show me my hidden faults.  He said I am harboring fear subconsciously.  He said, “you asked me to take the wall down, wall of Hopelessness, but you did not ask me to take away fear that was holding the wall.”

God then brought to mind Joseph, my first love.  Joseph was a little hispanic boy who ripped up my love letter in fourth grade at recess. All the kids witnessed this episode of rejection as Joseph screamed, “I do not love you, you are strange.” He ripped my heart that day.  I don’t think I extended it again fully, until the Lord took me under His wings.  This episode is still not completely healed. Isn’t it funny how something so simple as a fourth grade love letter can have such an impact on our lives.

I cried out to the Lord and said, on one hand I cry for all that has been lost and on another I rejoice in you Lord.  My emotions swing like a pendulum.  Calm me Lord… what do you desire?  I can move forward and not look back…. is this what you want?  Heal my heart to be strengthened in you Lord to do your will.

God wants our hearts completely healed. “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 NKJV